agatharights

kaity--did

Starting a new thread of insane shit I over hear my husband say to our toddler.

“Here, will this rice cake cracker sate your dark passanger?”

kaity--did

2. “Come now my child.”

*bluey the album starts playing*

kaity--did

3. “Oh I am so sorry. You’ve been mildly inconvenienced. How dare I truly”

kaity--did

4. “It is she! Her Majesty, Queen of the Sludge, Keeper of Goo, DJ Baby P (In the House) Dropper of Beats and Clapper of Hands”

kaity--did

5. He is in charge of bathtime and he lifted the ghoul tonight while singing “come with me and you’ll be in a world of baby sanitation” and I laughed so hard I snorted pasta

kaity--did

6. Okay this is more one that he said to me about the toddler but he was home with her while I was at work and I just got this text

kaity--did

“Happy Independence Day Sweetie! Nationalism is a cancer!”

kaity--did

8. This is another one he said to me about her but still it made me laugh so hard I nearly choked

kaity--did

*Penny babbling in the back seat, many la la las coming from her car seat*

“Are you singing us a song? Ah yes the dulcet tones of goblin”

kaity--did

10.

“Listen kid, I can’t let you have the cup anymore because you keep chugging the bath water, so we just have to remove the cup from the equation.”

kaity--did

11.

*penny is screaming, trying to climb back up a big slide at the playground*

“Someday you’ll learn about ,I don’t know physics and the myth of Sisyphus ,and you’ll start making a lot of connections I think. “

kaity--did

12. *Pen is still screaming and baby cussing about not being able to climb back up the slide*

“The problem is that you set goals for yourself that are unattainable by both man and baby.”

kaity--did

13.

“You can keep the cookie container, I don’t care. What kind of father would I be if I tried to separate a small raccoon child from her trash!?”

kaity--did

14.

*Penny is crying because the bucket she insisted on sitting in fell off the couch with her in it. Husband is bouncing her and rubbing her back after assessing that no physical damage occurred, just a bruised toddler ego*

“Oh my poor sweet angel. She fucked around and found out.”

kaity--did

15.

kaity--did

16. “The only three things this child cares about is Elmo, Cooking Videos, and Keith Tryguy”.

kaity--did

17.

“Hey. No! Cup privileges hereby rescinded, bath chugger”

kaity--did

18.

we miss him a lot

kaity--did

19.

kaity--did

20.

“I just don’t know how you and I, the two most indoorsy people to ever exist, managed to give birth to I don’t know , Baby Bear Grylls!?”

kaity--did

21.

“Not that I ever would because I love her and she’s my best friend, but I’m pretty sure if we just gave her one of those old timey kerchiefs on a stick and like sent her into the woods, she’d be fine. She’d come home in a week with berries and woodland friends ready to go to war for her.”

agatharights

judacris

Skin against skin, butt and bone
You're drawing by yourself so you must atone
Boys or girls, when you draw their rears
There's one rule that you must adhere

LET THE BUTTCHEEKS KISS THE FLOOR.
LET THE BUTTCHEEKS KISS THE FLOOR.

LET THE BUTTCHEEKS
KISS THE FLOOR.

gallusrostromegalus

Thank you, that mnemonic will be stuck in my head forever now.

sunderedstar

taffydragonblog

Gonna tell my grandnieces and grandnephews this was Barbenheimer

scrumpygoat

agatharights

piratepolls

cthulhu-with-a-fez

icryyoumercy

no, they actually do mean kites

as in, a loooooooooong piece of steel cable with the sail at the end of it

of course it's ~basically a sailing ship~ but you can't stick masts on a container ship, that is a disaster waiting to happen for so many reasons

you'd only really get one point to anchor the mast, and that is right where it meets the deck, the containers get it the way of any ropes you might wish to use further up

you'd have to build entirely new container ships or some sort of ... mast container frame to account for the fact that the ships are built to exactly fit the containers, and sticking a mast in the middle of it will mess with that entire system by not being the size of a container

loading and unloading around the masts is going to be hell for the crane drivers and there will be damage to everything given the speed they usually work with, so every harbor will hate you if their cranes even have the height to work around the masts

and if you still decide to stick masts on a container ship, they won't be easily and quickly removeable, so you have to recertify and reclassify the entire ship, and it's going to take ages and ages to do properly, and they'll have to figure out how to do it so it's either expensive as fuck or they may refuse entirely. a steel cable on a winch is by definition removeable (that is, uh, uprollable?) so you don't have to deal with any of this nonsense. hell, if you calculate the pre-determined breaking point properly, it'll even fail safely

this isn't ~ooooooooooh we invented sails! we're the smartest~

this is "hey, we finally figured out how to do this tried and tested thing in a way that works with the circumstances we're working under". it's a good thing, even if it is presented badly

spinosaurusenjoyer

Thank-you for that info ^ because this is very heartening then. Transport really is so awful rn in what it’s doing to our atmosphere. Looked this up and this is actually a really neat prospect for the planet if it gets implemented.

cthulhu-with-a-fez

oh that is very cool actually!! i fully retract my reactionary bullshit meme in favor of the new information, thank you :D

agatharights

clitfisto

peeling those sour rainbow gummy strips into long thin strings and putting them into cheap energy drink to create something im calling battery acid spaghetti will update once ive finished it

clitfisto

dont do this

babblingbranches

cryptoidantagonist

I really hope its not too bad bc i actually love both components.

cryptoidantagonist

it forms a dry skin at the top made of the sour pellets. not a great start.

cryptoidantagonist

tastes really good actually. i also feel like i am about to explode.

cryptoidantagonist

do not do this.

jenjensd

Unanimous consensus: Do not do this

Other people: Hold on I’m about to do this

jenjensd

rosespirit

I keep seeing this post going around so, for folks who want to know why not, here's a chemist's hypothesis:

-Human saliva has an average pH of ~6.7 (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3800408/), which is pretty neutral.

-Monster energy has a pH of ~2.7 (https://patientconnect365.com/DentalHealthTopics/Article/Energy_Drinks_and_Your_Teeth_Should_You_Worry), which is quite acidic but not dangerous, except to your tooth enamel if consumed in large quantities.

-Rainbow sour belts contain malic acid (a common food additive as a potent acidifier and sour-flavor agent), citric acid (another common sour flavoring in pretty much everything) as well as ascorbic acid (aka vitamin C, used here mainly as a preservative). (https://candypros.com/products/sour-belts-bulk-rainbow)

-All of these acids when added to water would normally release their protons (H+ ions), thereby making the water solution more acidic. However, a chemical constant of these acids called the acid dissociation constant (pKa for short) indicates the pH of a solution at which acids are most likely to keep or release their protons. The pKa's* of these acids are higher (3.4, 3.1, and 4.2 for malic, citric, and ascorbic acids respectively) than the pH of the solution (2.7), which essentially means that the acids can't release their protons and all that acidic potential is trapped in the solid formulation of the candy.

-There's also some evidence that sugar decreases the solubility of acids in water solutions (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3411471/ only sorbic acid is discussed here but it's relatively structurally similar to the acids in discussion). The undoubtedly high sugar content of both the Monster and the candy therefore may contribute to the accounts of the sour crystals bubbling/floating on top of the solution instead of dissolving.

-Malic acid in particular is notorious for causing mouth irritation when eaten in high quantities.

-Thus, I can imagine that upon consuming the battery acid spaghetti, not only is the mix itself quite potently sweet/sour, but also the solid malic acid coming into direct contact with your mouth quickly becomes painful, and as the solution mixes with your (pH neutral) saliva the trapped acidity of the malic/citric/ascorbic acids is dumped into your mouth and esophagus, creating a sensation that I can only imagine is similar to consuming actual battery acid (pH = 0.8).

(*Each of these acids actually has multiple pKa's corresponding to number of protons they're able to donate, but really only the lowest pKa is useful here since once that one dissociates then all of the other ones are already dissociated too.)